Sorry I have not posted in awhile. I guess since my family lost Lane I have had a hard time connecting with Nolan and accepting the fact that I will be having him. I wish nothing more than for my family to feel no more pain but I have not had as many dreams, or comforting feelings, that I will have this baby. I had not seen him, known how he was growing/doing, since I had the NT ultrasound at a different office. I have seen my doctor for regular 4 week visits but its most comforting to see an ultrasound with my doctor so she can explain things to me and I can ask any questions that come up. I guess I just haven't had that comfort in awhile so I haven't felt comfortable in this pregnancy.
That is until yesterday. Even though I was not with my doctor, I did get an ultrasound with the technician. We got to see him move and kick, as I was feeling it too. It is always amazing to see your baby move, and see his heart beating. We even had a close up of his heart to where we saw all for chambers of his heart working strong. And we got a confirmation picture that he was a boy! We saw his turtle, hehe. It was a very comforting feeling, and I cried through the whole experience. We were able to get multiple pictures to take home with us.
After the comfort I received I woke up this morning refreshed. I wondered when I would want to get things started to prepare our house for Nolan, and I am today. Right now his room is our study/storage room. So I am going to organize all the storage things and move them, clear things off the furniture to move them to other rooms. That way we can have the room deep cleaned to then have painted and buy furniture to move in.
I am starting to feel like we will be prepared for Nolan. Im thinking thats another thing I needed to feel connected to him, and that I will have this baby, I needed to feel like we were ready. We have been ready mentally and emotionally since we found out we were pregnant again, but now I needed the feeling of readiness physically at home.
No one tells you all the things you go through during pregnancy, probably because it is different for every women and couple. But there are so many stages you go through, especially if you have had a loss, but I/we need to have faith. I have a friend who said she prayed to St. Jude every night with all three of her children and never felt completely comfortable until she held them in her arms. I have a feeling I will be the same way. I am feeling better but as I said before, your worry as a mother starts when you get the plus on that pregnancy test and does not stop (however it does change) until you die.
But for now lets all enjoy some pictures of our approximately 13 oz bundle of joy.
We can't wait to see what he looks like. I think/want him to look just like his daddy and have a big baby belly to blow on. Greg thinks he will look like me because my traits are more dominant, such a doctor's train of thought. We shall see soon, half way there!