Monday, February 27, 2012

6 Weeks

Today we are 6 weeks 2 days! More than half way done through the first trimester! However, the worry has set in. I worry about carrying you until term so you can be born with the best possible chances. I worry about how I am going to feel throughout this whole thing. I worry about how I am going to be as a mother to you. Now starts the worry for the rest of my life, concerning you. But it is good worry. It is a worry that goes along with hope. Each of those worries can be reworded for "hope. " I hope for nothing but the best for you.

This weekend was rough. Along with that worry other symptoms came in to play. I felt very depressed, thinking I might never get to hold you, like our last baby. But I pray each night that we get to see your beautiful face. I also had a lot of food aversions this weekend. I made a huge pot of chicken for tacos and by the time it was ready I couldn't even smell it! Your dad had to make his own dinner. We also went to dinner with your grandparents and I had trouble keeping water down, WATER. If that is how its going to be, this will be a long pregnancy.

I countdown the days until the first ultrasound, March 6. Hopefully we will be able to hear your heartbeat! I can rest easier knowing your heart is beating strong.

I have been trying to figure out if you will be a boy or girl. I say "he" when talking to your dad, but your dad says "she." I tried the ring over my belly test and it switches back and forth. I looked up 4 chinese gender predictor calendars and they were split 2 girl and 2 boy. So as of right now we have no clue if you will be a little boy or a little girl. After the ultrasound I can try another old wives tale. If you are settled to the right in my belly you should be a boy, and if you are on the left, a girl. We shall see!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

1st doctor visit

Went to the doctor yesterday. I am estimating I am around 5w3d. I have been reading chats in baby center alot lately, can be bad news. I got myself so worked up about having an early u/s and not hearing the heartbeat (usually cant hear it until 6w2d about) and getting those feelings rush back from when I found out I was going to m/c.

Got to the office and she had just been called to an emergency c-section :( But she returned within 20 minutes! I weighed in at 110.8, yippee lost 3 of the 10 lbs I gained after the m/c. She just did a physical exam and said everything seemed normal. I am having my HCG levels checked as well as progesterone. SHe said HCG won't say too much but the progesterone will be able to tell if its a viable pregnancy. However, if I do not have sufficient levels then she will put me on medication to help with that. I am glad more precaution is being taken this time around, as well as a closer look at everything.

I won't find out about my progesterone levels for a few days, so now we play the waiting game. But I already set up a time to come in for my first ultrasound, March 6th! I am so excited. Hopefully Ill be 7w2d at that point. But we will get a more definite picture as to how far along I am and when my EDD will be.

I am so glad I started this blog, even though no one knows about it, because I can't talk all I want about this and not blab it to everyone. Some people know though already ;)

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Valentines Day

As a little girl growing up you always dream about your wedding. Then it happens and is everything you imagined. Then you start dreaming about all of your first holidays as a married couple, basically just all of your firsts as a married couple. Note to everyone it is very difficult to be with all family members on every holiday, so don't stress yourself because they will be happy just to see you.

After my m/c (miscarriage) I dreamt of surprising Greg on his birthday, or giving him the best Christmas gift ever, a positive pregnancy test. I dreamt about how I would tell him, because the first time I just called him out of the bathroom to me standing in our bedroom holding the pregnancy test in his face. I thought of creating a lottery ticket where he scratches it off to reveal he is going to be a daddy. Or have cookies baking when he comes home, spelling out BABY. And when the oven goes off I'd ask him to grab the pan so he would see my surprise. I don't know, I just love surprising others.

I was on Cabergoline, a medication to help with my elevated prolactin levels, which can hinder getting pregnant. I started this medication in December and my doctor said I could start trying to get pregnant right away but I needed to stop taking this medication as soon as I get a positive pregnancy test. So I was taking a test before I took my medication, which was twice a week. Now for someone who has miscarried and was desperately trying to conceive again this was gut wrenching to continually be looking for that second blue line and it not be there.

Before Valentine's day I told Greg that whatever he gave me I wanted it to be meaningful, planned and unique. I was happy with the flowers he sent me to my work. Then he came home that day from work and told me to take a test a day early. I had been having more nausea than usual. I thought nothing of it because the side effects of the medication were the same as symptoms of pregnancy. Greg thought differently than me. So I obliged and went into the bathroom. Within seconds that second blue line was faintly there! I was so surprised that I just walked out of the bathroom holding up the positive pregnancy test to show Greg. There went my cute ideas of telling him he was a dad. But I got the best, most meaningful, well planned gift from him for Valentines that I could ever ask for!

So there it is, I am pregnant again! Now we play the waiting game. Wait to see the doctor to confirm my pregnancy, wait to get an official due date, wait to make sure that we make it through the first trimester.

From our Wedding through the end of 2011

Welcome to my blog!
I have tried to create one so many times, but without fail I forget the password or even the web address. I am promising to keep this one updated as much as possible.

The Lawler lifestyle is about us, a couple just married, just learning how to love and live together and the lessons we learn along the way.

Greg and I met on my mother's birthday, October 3rd, back in 2008. Long story short Greg and I met because he was proving to his friends that a new pick up line (that he learned on The Pick Up Artist) could work on any girl they chose. Enter, me! We were at Continental Club in Houston and I went to refresh my drink and he came up to me, asking a question as if I was helping him with a discussion he was having with his friends. "What would you do if you had a boyfriend and he wanted to go to a strip club?" What an opening line, huh? Needless to say he was able to strike up a conversation with me and we exchanged numbers, and it was history from there.

We were married last August 6th, 2011. Everyone wonders how they will be on their wedding day, I was surprisingly calm the entire day. However, it is very true that it goes by way too quickly and you need to enjoy each and every second. Thank goodness for pictures. My favorite memory, besides becoming his wife, was him dropping me on the dance floor during our last dance to "Marry Me" by Train. This was so us. On one of our first hanging out times at Armadillo Palace, Greg asked me to dance. He unfortunately wasn't as confident in his dancing and I had suspected and received some advice form a friend, "spin her til she has fun." Lucky me! We danced, or he spun and I got dizzy. I fell onto the stage and he laughed. It was great, light hearted and at that point I knew I loved him. So it was only too perfect that on the last dance of the day we were married, with everyone circled around us watching, that he try to show his dance moves to everyone, and instead of delicately dipping me, he dropped me and fell himself. Again, thank goodness for photos.

We then spent our amazing honeymoon in Belize, which we will return to as soon as Greg graduates. That was our last relaxing moment, I think, in the past year. Because within a month of being married I found out I was pregnant! This was such a shock because I would have bet you that I would have needed some sort of medical assistance to get pregnant. We were shocked, thrilled and scared all at the same time.

We had our first ultrasound October 4th, less than 2 months after we got married, and heard our baby's heartbeat and learned we were 7 weeks 2 days along. Talk about getting pregnant on a first try. Not that we were trying. Unfortunately, like 25% of pregnancies, our baby did not make it through the first trimester. his was possibly one of the hardest things you can go through as a couple, let alone go through it only about 3 months into your marriage.

Having a miscarriage is common. It is more typical in first pregnancies. I feel like women who have miscarriages are ashamed and think as though they did something wrong. As my doctor said, if it happens in the first trimester it is typically a chromasonal abnormality. I was not ashamed, deeply sadden yes. I prayed because I wondered why I would be blessed with an answered prayer and then have it taken away. God answered by letting me know it gives me hope. I looked back at the miracle that God blessed with by proving to me that I can get pregnant. And now he has blessed me with the most wonderful feeling of hope.

Man what a year, marriage, a pregnancy and then a major loss all in 90 days. However, that is still longer than the Kardashian marriage. Had to lighten the mood :)